Shed, Steadfastly

“Babe check out this video,” my husband said as he slipped closer to me and held up his smart phone. “It’s a trail camera recording of a buck shedding its antlers.”

“No way!” I exclaimed. We had been talking about sheds the night before; I was wondering why a deer’s horns grow in bigger each year, instead of growing back to the same size they had been, and my husband helped me brainstorm ideas and search the internet. Now, I leaned in to watch the grainy video on his phone screen.

The recording showed a buck, center-screen with his hind end toward the camera. Leaning downward, the buck turned his face around, lifted one of his back legs forward and up onto his head, and began scratching with a hoof. After a few seconds, he stood up and forcefully tossed his head back and forth. Left-right, left-right, shake-shake. Then suddenly, the deer drew back as if he was startled, and dashed off-camera into the dark woods bare-headed, leaving his magnificent 8-point rack behind.

It was a fascinating glimpse into an event that may be common enough for deer but seemed quite exotic and mysterious to me. (You can see it for yourself here.) Projecting my own vanity onto that wild buck, I thought with a smile, “He surely will feel silly for a while until those antlers grow back in!”

It’s true, the deer would be vulnerable for a short time without his antlers. He had probably gotten used to using them for self-defense and flirting with the does! I imagine that, just when he had mastered the full strength that this year’s growth had given him, poor old Buck experienced the startling inconvenience of going back to square one, with no rack at all.

This brings to mind a painfully common event in my own life – one that I’m grateful has not been caught on camera! Like the startled buck, I’ve been appalled to look down in an intense season or struggle and see what I thought was my strength, lying useless on the ground. Have you had moments like that, when the whir and spin of anxiety subsides, and you realize, “Boy, I’m going to feel very silly” about some choice that you made?

Perhaps you struggle with a habit or tendency such as chemical dependency, anger, or obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Can you see yourself in the buck’s predicament? He knew “the moment” had come again. He was alone, in the dark, on the verge of losing something valuable that he had built up but feeling powerless to resist the disaster. I’ve been there. I’ve felt the dread of rising resistance and panic, and I’ve frantically tried to shake myself loose, only to realize that the heavy armor I put my confidence in was not secure…I gave in. I would have to start again; my weakness would be exposed to everyone by the morning light.

Waiting to get back your confidence (or sobriety, or reputation, or self-respect) after a visible failure can be absolutely mortifying, right?

Of course, there are times when I get blinded by a setback that has nothing to do with my own vulnerabilities, and I bet you do too. Remember the first time you realized that some talent or strength of yours wasn’t enough to get you through a situation like it had many times before? Maybe your charm just didn’t work on a new set of friends in a bigger school or new workplace; maybe you got to college and realized there were lots of “smart kids” and “sporty kids” and “funny kids” – just like you! – and you were no longer a standout. Maybe the skill and creativity that once won praise and opened doors for you was now mostly unwanted or overlooked. Oy...I know the feeling!

At those times, aren’t we still a lot like old Buck? It is easy to get accustomed to the power or wisdom that our previous growth and success have provided. But the time always seems to come when stored-up strength is no longer enough. And after the confusion and momentary terror of losing control, there’s nothing to do but dash away from a fallen set of antlers or a sense of security that can’t be reattached.

There is plenty of relatable wisdom for us here! As the Apostle James wrote in today’s passage, trials come in various kinds, but when our faith is tested by any trials, steadfastness is the desired product. Whether our trouble is due to a failure of our own, or to a circumstance out of our control, the thing being tested is not our strength to overpower it, but our faith that God will redeem it. Can you see the difference?

This means that trials reveal the measure of our confidence in God, not the measure of our own abilities. Have you fallen for an old trick of the enemy, again? Don’t dwell on your frailty; rejoice in the grace of God and confess to Him quickly. Has something or someone caused you to feel powerless or undermined? Don’t despair over the loss of past victories; look with anticipation for God’s provision in this circumstance. We can rejoice even during trials, by remaining steadfast to believe that God is with us.

What’s more, James tells us, the effect - the result - of such steadfastness is perfection. If perfection requires meeting our trials with steadfast faith as opposed to flawless triumph, it’s easy to see why James encourages his readers to rejoice when they come rather than after they are overcome. (James 1:5 ESV) He even advises to “let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation,” because those situations could be reversed at any time. (James 1:9 ESV). I think Buck knows exactly what such a dramatic turnaround is like, and I do too!

Some things in my life just seem to be in a perpetual cycle like the deer’s annual shed and regrowth of his antlers. I live through some moment of humiliation or setback, then I seek wisdom and protection from God in my weakness, my strength begins to grow and I recover some power over the situation, then - crash! – the strength I thought I had falls away, and I’m wondering “will I ever get past this?” Whether the trial is a recurring conflict in my marriage, persistent affliction from bad habits that linger on for years, or emotional brick walls in family relationships that I can’t seem to break through, I can relate to the deer’s challenge of starting over, over and over, in a dark place and feeling like all of my “progress” is lost.

But is it lost, really? James didn’t seem to believe that the resets we sometimes endure are what keep us from perfection. He said: “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.” (James 1:12 ESV) Here again, the test James speaks of is a test of steadfast faith, not strength. If we do not waver in our honor for God and our trust in Him, our faith will withstand the trial and survive the test, even if our willpower or experience is not strong enough to avoid the hardships of the trial itself. How can progress be lost by a setback, if the trial itself is giving us opportunity for greater perfection through steadfastness?

As children of God, our hope is in the work of the Lord on our behalf, never in our own accomplishments. But it is so tempting to misinterpret events and influences in our lives as if they were God’s way of making obedience harder, like a Christian American Ninja Warrior course. But God is not teeing up obstacles for us to master. He is leading us through a fallen world, with the reassurance that none of the dangers we encounter are outside His authority to restore, for those who are willing. That’s why James warns his readers: “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and He Himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” (James 1:13-15 ESV)

So, here is how to flunk the test of faith: judge God, rather than loving Him steadfastly; accuse God rather than trusting steadfastly in Him; curse God when your weakness is revealed rather than steadfastly accepting His forgiveness and discipline. If we confuse a test of our submission to God with a temptation to do evil, we will not accept the Lord’s will with humility. We will believe that our failure occurs when our strength falters; in fact, a failure of faith is refusal to repent or surrender to a God we love and trust. And if we misinterpret trials that way, we will also miss the beauty of renewal that God has in store for us.

I think I can make a guess now about why the deer’s antlers grow back in wider and stronger each year. I don’t know the biological reason they were created this way, but it seems like a beautiful illustration of God’s provision and generous nature. Those new, bigger horns testify to the steadfastness that Buck displayed over the course of a year, and they give an imposing view of the extravagance that God uses to adorn His creatures.

Whatever temporary disadvantage the buck had to endure after shedding his antlers is soon overshadowed by the new, bigger, stronger rack that was already growing in its place. As the buck grows bigger and more experienced year after year, he will be able to support a larger rack of powerful antlers. His patience and watchfulness during vulnerable times will be rewarded with a visible sign of perseverance that will impress both his enemies and his friends.

But the deer cannot take credit for the size of his rack. He doesn’t determine the extent of the growth it will gain each year. Only God knows that. And he cannot expect that visible trophy to last forever. It will be replaced, again and again, according to a design old Buck isn’t aware of. Friends, we too must continue our journey even when it seems that our best defense or our most glorious testimony has been lost or outgrown. Those treasures are not permanent and neither of them are ultimately controlled by us. Seasons in our life will change and the strength that sustained us in one season must adapt and enlarge for the latter parts of the journey.

In those moments when I am faced with a trial of my faith, I can easily forget that the Lord has already set the boundaries of what He will allow me to endure in any season. I know that not losing the old antlers is no good for the deer and clinging to familiarity is no good for us! If Buck’s horns always stayed their original size, he would not grow in power and majesty. Likewise, God always adds strength and beauty to my testimony, year after year, for my good and for His glory. I can shed my past gamely, the failures and victories, knowing that He is growing His<em> </em>splendor in me, and making me more perfect through steadfastness.